You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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