Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
