like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize