im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
