dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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