he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
