How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
