he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
