We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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