i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
