i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
