Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
