I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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