you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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