There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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