just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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