She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
