my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
