No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize