I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
