Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
