if i can run in heels then i can drive
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
