It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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