was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
