never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
