You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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