Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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