I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
