are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
