aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize