Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
