Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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