I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
