You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
