Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
