I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm too high and old for this...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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