the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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