ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
