walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
