I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
