Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
