Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
