rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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