don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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