I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
