I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
