How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
