I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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