You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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