my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
