i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's shark week go big or go home
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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