there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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