My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
