she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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