whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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