shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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