We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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