We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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