you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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