Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
