U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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