i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
